Do People Really Piss on Buses?

I've been threatening to post some poems for some time and coming across a box full of hand-written (what else was there in those days) lyrics from my youth was quite an incentive to actually do so.

This particular poem is about a period when I and some similarly bored low-paid friends used to hang out on buses... yes really. We would buy a ticket called a rover which allowed us to travel all over the City of Peterborough and it's districts on a double-decker. I would like to think that we did something constructive on these trips but all that happened was that we would arrive at the terminus wait while the driver had his fag break (usually in the bus) then returned from whence we came. In fact we may well have been the rowdies that the poem refers to, and ironically (lost on me at the time of writing) the people that I seem to sneer at for always being on the buses almost certainly had a lower opinion of me and my friends for exactly that same reason.

The poem was written in Mid December 1982 at time when economically things were pretty tough in the UK. Reading it back it was clearly inspired by John Cooper Clarke and I find that I still recite it at speed in a nasally northern accent.

Note: I subsequently found a later draft if anyone noticed that the post has changed slightly.


Do People Really Piss on Buses?

And People say you're eighteen now
Why haven't you got a car?
But they' must be blind if they can't see

that YOP* money doesn't get you very far.
So it's a double-deck in shades of red,
Fag-ends, Graffitti (Punx not dead)
And Wander-bus tickets that'll take you anywhere
Down to the Cornwall Coast where they breathe pure air
But It's all in vain

'Cause they take you back to the city man, where
It's the toxic fumes of a rapidly declining industry
One thousand more bodies thrown on the heap
And what do we blame? the Japanese imports
But all you gotta do, is sell your GTI and ends may meet
Hey! you could always use our public transport.

So what's with this mid evening rush
Same faces same time
A social crime of deprivations and

sexual frustrations
To shout Bingo! the highlight of their night

Then there are the rowdies at the back
Who shout off their mouths
Then immediately feel daft
'Cause nobody laughs

And their jokes on them.

And as my night plays out in short start stops
I perceive this awful smell of Christ knows what
Which brings me back to the point

I originally meant to raise

Do people really piss on buses?

Copyright Erroll Jones

* Youth Opportunities Program

Kate and James:

It was a real pleasure to see my beautiful and quite wonderful friend KPs get married to her equally wonderful and good looking beau James. It's great to see a couple so perfectly matched and any one lucky enough to know them or to have been there on the day can verify what I say.

The brief was straight forward capture the day as it happens with little or no posed shots. My kind of brief as posed shots is not really what Rahul (My very able assistant) and I do. I distinctly remember Kate saying "Hurry Up with the pictures man, I want to get back to the canapes." And that was only after 10 minutes alone with her and James, so she really did mean little or no posed shots. Still, we managed to get a few good shots before they went back to the prized canapes.

The light in Pembroke Lodge was just a wee bit to harsh as it streamed through the glass roof during the service but turned to quite glorious as the day turned into night. So, some great opportunities for us to document the dinner and speeches and get some really special moments. Which I've been told we did.

The evening was a riot: I've yet to see a livelier wedding party with Bride & Groom and the Best Man ably setting (and maintaing) a hectic pace which kicked-off with 'Outkasts' brilliant Hey Ya before taking in hip-hop, indie and some classic soul. I even summoned the energy to hit the dance-floor myself, which my friend Emma told me is not a particularly good sight but hey, what the hell.

Lucky umbrella update: This is getting boring now but in the two week run up to this wedding it was forecast rain rain and heavy rain for the wedding day but as you can see from the photos the lucky umbrellas were far from required.

This week: Erroll did very little outside of a very busy schedule that included awards ceremonies, a very Glamorous 5oth Birthday at The Berkley Hotel and shooting some rather swanky office refits.

Kate & James Pre-wedding

Apologies for not blogging regularly, but will make a much bigger effort from this moment onwards. Recently I had the pleasure of doing the pre-wedding shoot for the gorgeous Kate & James a perfectly matched couple in every way.

Unfortunately for them they were my guinea pigs somewhat as I took the opportunity (and advantage of the fact that Kate is a good friend) to try out new equipment that I'd recently accuired

It was a blue sky blaring sun of a day (cold in the shadows mind) so they had to be very patient while I grappled with back-lighting, fill-in flash, lens flare on top of the new gear I was trying out.

They were great to work with and were quite happy to do countless takes of the shots I set up and managed to laugh their way through a lot of the session which bodes well for the actual wedding day.

For the techies that may read this the equipment I was trying out was;

Canon 1D mk iv;

Canon EF 45mm f2.8 Tilt-shift;

Canon EF 70-200 f2.8 is mk ii; and a borrowed

Canon 5D mk ii

This week: Erroll despite owning a 'Kindle' bought two hard back novels; David Mitchell's Black Swan Green and The Thousand Autumns of Jacob de Zoet as they were both considerably cheaper than their electronic version... that can't be right.

He also watched the brilliant French prison movie A Prophet and the equally brilliant and dark Australia western The Proposition.

Gemma and James and my lucky umbrellas

18 September I found myself in rural Hertfordshire for the wedding of a lovely young couple, Gemma and James. The ceremony took place in the village church a five minute walk (via a narrow country lane) from the home of the Brides' parents. The Bride & Groom planned to walk back from the church (weather permitting) to the house where the reception was to take place. A good opportunity to get some great pictures I thought. So it was just a case of keeping an eye on the weather forecast in the run up to the wedding... the forecast was for rain.

Time to get out my lucky umbrellas. Why lucky? because I've never had to use them. The forecast for the day of my first wedding was 'good chance of rain'. Ever the paranoid boy scout I went out and bought a pair of white golf umbrellas. Suffice to say the weather was glorious and if anything they should have been used as parasols to keep the overhead sun off the perspiring Bride & Groom..

Despite rain being forecast for many of the weddings that I've done since it has yet to happen... So yes my lucky umbrellas worked their magic for Gemma and James and I did manage to get one or two nice shots on that narrow country lane including this one where one of the bridesmaids decides that 'her shoes weren't made for walking'.

Click on the picture to see it larger

part v: One hundred and fifty two things that can go wrong on a shoot

How many things can go wrong on a shoot... My photographer friend Lucy told me that David Bailey and Richard Avedon starting listing them and gave up once they got to 150. I tried to verify the truth of this anectdote but my research yielded nothing. It was probably some bullshit story that Lucy's photography tutor made up to scare her into being 'ultra-prepared' which is no bad thing if it works. 

It seemed to work for Lucy: it instilled in her a paranoia that meant she even backed up the back up camera. Saved her bacon on a couple of occasions too.

But check this...

I'm supposed to shoot (for a Busness Magazine) the CEO of a large respected corporation. He is being interviwed by a respected journalist from a very respected newspaper and my brief is too depict that interview as it happens. You know, the kind of fly on the wall thing capturing all the emotions and reactions of the interviewee in response to the questions... and to shoot some wide aperture shots over the interviewers shoulder so that there's some perspective... 

Kinda important that the journalist doing the interview shows up, No! I thought so too, but not the journalist. He decides on the morning  that he wants to do a phone interview instead. Doesn't matter to him that the format of the feature requires that he be there in the room in the pictures... No! He wants to do a phoner.

And guess what? When I ring through the palava to the magazine they still want me to go ahead with the shoot and suggest I ask the CEO to pretend that he's being interviewed. Yeah right, you can imagine it...

"Excuthe me Mr CEO will you just sit down there and talk to your imaginary friend while I photograph it."

"Ok." He agrees. Can you believe it. Tuns out to be a real nice bloke too, and so we have a laugh and make a joke about this ludicrous situation we find ourselves in and I get a good feeling all is going to be well, when I discover the problem with the power supply to the boardroom. After a couple of shots my flash heads won't work I try all the other sockets, I swap flash heads, swap synch leads... same shit.

I curse under my breath and ask why? why? why? With no assistant (really low budget couldn't afford to take one) I have to figure this one out alone and pretty fast. Fortunately I have been schooled in the Lucy school of paranoia: so despite taking enough lights and softboxes to do a Vanity Fair cover gatefold, I had still packed my trusty portable 580ex flashgun. It doesn't look impressive but it packs enough of a punch and fortunately I manage to get the shots I need.

Paranoia can be a beautiful thing.

This week Erroll; Watched American Gangster and listed a load of underused photographic equipment for sale on ebay. Get a bargain.

Part iv: Shooting my ex-employers

Beware the Ides of March... to be frank it couldn't have been any worse than January and February which were so dead a weaker compulsive careerist would have found themselves instinctively reaching for the alternative employment folder.

I'd been telling my wife that my regular commissions would be coming in imminently and that my networking and one man marketing campaign would start to reap dividends. It is with some great relief that I have been proved right for this month I've shot portraits, round-tables, business seminars, as well as doing some freelance design work. I've even managed to fit in some pro bono - photographic not legal - for my ex-employers.

I had left my art directors position on good terms and had received a decent redundancy package so felt I owed my ex-CEO, Mike a favour. I offered to do some portraits of him and his fellow directors and he said he would take up the offer once the current pictures needed updating. Well my ex-CEO Mike is now the ex-CEO of my ex-employers but my ex-employers remembered my offer and asked if it still stood.

Although I am fully expecting Mike to also call in this favour once his new business is up and running my offer still stood. It's not like I'm busy and in this game you can never get too much practise. And that is how I found myself last week with my assistant H in very familiar surroundings doing a freebie. H incidentally is a BA pilot - so you see it's not just me.

I shot clean 'safe' portraits against a white wall which would be perfect for PR shots and then did another set on a black cloth backdrop with a bit more mood and thus more versatile. I was initially booked to shoot 3 directors but a couple of the editors were added to the list which was fine but meant that the pace was pretty hectic. I said to H after that not all shoots are 'like the ones he'd assisted me on which have tended to be a bit conveyor belt.

How I long for a single person shoot where the sitter invites me to their local we share a pint and a bite, get to know each other, discuss the type of shots we're trying to achieve then go back to their home and shoot iconic shots that will enhance my reputation and boost my bank balance through world-wide syndication rights. But Annie (Liebovitz) tends to get those and even she's skint!

Anyways I've posted a picture from the session of Amy Carroll who wasn't part of the original trio to be photographed. She is the editor of Real Deals magazine – a venture capital and private equity publication. I'm tempted to try and intellectualise the image and say that when set against the testosterous private equity boys club in which she plys her trade Amy appears vulnerable...  and that if you look closely you will see that there is a toughness about her. But that would be a little disingenuous. I simply like the way the lighting works on her quite amazing eyes.

This week Erroll has; watched a few episodes of The Wire Season 4; downloaded the new Prodigy album Invaders must die and played Lego Star Wars with his two kids.

Legally trained ex art director poet seeks work as photographer part iii

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THERE MUST BE MORE TO LIFE...
So what happened next? After what I call a few 'wilderness years' I did a visual communications degree and became an editorial art director. After a few years of this I found myself thinking this isn't a career that I want for the rest of my life so I decided to be a lawyer. Why? Partly because I’d always been fascinated by politics and the rights of the underdog; partly because I was blown away by Billy Bragg on Question Time ranting (quite eloquently) about why Britain needed a written constitution; and partly because when I'm seeking entry through the pearly gates and St Peter asks me what I did with my time on earth I ain't going to be ashamed to say I was a legal aid lawyer.

Some five years after making that decision I took voluntary redundancy to help me get through my last few legal exams, and to supplement my redundancy pay I started doing a 'little bit' of paid photographic work. Which kinda brings me up to date.

And what of all those ambitions? Short-term I aim to pursue law on a voluntary basis probably working one day a week at a local law centre. My poetry I aim to self publish when I find the time. My visions of rock stardom have entirely evaporated and all should be pleased to know I have neither intention nor desire to revive them.

Which leaves my photography. The 'little bit' of paid photography snowballed into quite a bit of paid photography. We're not talking telephone numbers, far from it but coupled with work life balance benefits it is rich reward and I'm loving it, really loving it but recessions... bit of a pisser aren't they.

So yes, if you could please pass the word, "legally trained ex art director poet seeks work as photographer."